Politely Put: Elders

Picture this: you're 16, you have a date tonight with the girl of your dreams, you bargain your soul with your father so that you can borrow the family car, you pick up your date and head to the movies, on your way home you come to a four-way stop which you cautiously approach knowing the danger that could arise of such traffic obstacles, one other car approaching the same intersection, you clearly have the right-of-way so you proceed, the trust that you put into the oncoming car is fading because you notice that not only is the car not slowing down but it seems as though it is a ghost car due to the absence of a driver behind the wheel. The next thing you know your family station wagon's wood paneling is laying in the intersection and you're trying to figure out how a conductorless Cadillac Coup de'ville slammed into the side of your car and ruined your life. I'll tell you why, it's because the car door of the Cadillac opens up and an elderly woman that has turned into a diametrical smurf emerges from the car (I understand all of you might not have a thesaurus by you so I'm going to explain the definition of a diametrical smurf - a smurf is blue with white hair, where as an older person is white with blue hair). The reason that it seemed like the car was being navigated by a ghost was because the little old lady (I chose her to be a lady, but older men have the same problems as well) could not see over the steering wheel. Now, your father doesn't believe that you did everything in your power to avoid the wreck, the girl doesn't ever talk to you again because wrecks aren't cool, and your social life as you know it is over because you got grounded for so long that you had your wedding in your back yard because you are forbidden to leave the premises of the house until you turn 30. To politely put this, elders (old people) should not be allowed to drive past a certain age of comprehension, and their should be tests for when you reach a certain age that judges your comprehension of driving.

This entire anecdote was a reflection. The girl really never did talk to me again, no girls talked to me during high school, actually. I still blame the diametrical smurf for making the date go so badly, getting me grounded, and ruining my social life.

Oh yeah, here's a picture taken of me and the car right before I left to pick the girl up that night:




Disclaimer: This really did not happen. That really isn't me in this picture. I do own those sandles though.